


river flows in you

by teddygirl105



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Starving Oneself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17309678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddygirl105/pseuds/teddygirl105
Summary: Changmin has always heard the transfer student play the piano after school, hearing his music flood into the practice room. Enamoured and falling for him, Changmin unintentionally opens up to Kevin Moon, which in return sparks something within the pianist. And then, Kevin learns about Changmin's past, and it isn't pretty.





	river flows in you

**Author's Note:**

> so this was in my drafts for a longgg time and I finally finished it
> 
> a lot of parts I wrote when I was going through a shitty time and was basically venting so this fic gets really serious and touchy fast
> 
> still not properly proofread
> 
>  
> 
> ****  
> _subjects of depression, starving oneself, and self-hate are within the fic. please read at your own discretion._  
> 

“There it is again.”

Changmin stopped mid-step, sweat dripping down his chin and his hair wet. The soft sound of piano music made everyone stop as well, some enjoying it while others a bit annoyed. “That’s the fourth time in this practice. Did they not close the door?” The dance club leader seemed a bit annoyed, a scowl on his face.

“I’ll go and confront them Juyeon, if you want.” Changmin called out, and Juyeon looked towards him, smiling.

“Is that so? Thank you, Changmin.” he spoke. With a nod, the dancer jogged over to his bag, grabbing the towel he packed to wipe off all his sweat. Ruffling his hair dry, Changmin left the practice room, walking down the hallway to the music room. The door was left wide open, the piano getting louder as he got closer.

In his opinion, he thought that it was quite pleasant. The piano didn’t really disturb Changmin during his practice, and it helped to calm his mind after all of the pop music they had to listen to over and over again. And besides, it reminded him of contemporary dance, something that he had wanted to practice for a long time.

Reaching the music room, Changmin peered in.

“Exc-"

He stopped himself quickly, only the squeak of a word spoken as he froze. Inside sat a student, his eyes closed as his fingers flew across the keys. Changmin had to admit, he was pretty handsome and cute, and the fact that he could play the piano made him smitten for this mystery student.

The windows let in the light of the sun, which was soon going to set, shining over him and emitting this heavenly glow that couldn’t be explained. He was so immersed in playing, a smile growing on his lips as the music continued to escalate. It was luring Changmin in, making him want to stay where he was and just listen to the music forever. However, there was his conscious, telling him to do his job and leave.

_ ‘...I shouldn’t bother him.’ _

Hiding away, Changmin carefully slid the door closed, making sure that he didn’t make a sound. As soon as the gap closed, the music was shut off from the hallway, the piano only heard if you were right against the door. Tiptoeing away, Changmin returned to the practice room, looking back at the music room and memorizing its location.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, Changmin learnt a lot more about the mystery piano man. He was there every day, playing for around an hour or so before leaving. A senior transfer student from Canada by the name of Moon Hyungseo, who preferred to be called Kevin. Kevin had been playing the piano for a long time, ever since he was just a little kid, so it was obvious that his skills were superb.

Unlike Kevin, Changmin didn’t have practice every day, only three days a week on alternating days. Whenever he didn’t have practice, he’d go to the music room and sit outside, listening to Kevin play while he did some homework. Changmin would then leave before Kevin did, to make sure that he never found out about his presence. Over time, he took note of the things that Kevin did. Come into the music room at 4:10pm. Warm up with some scales before starting to practice for an hour or so. Close up the piano at 5:05, and leave the room by 5:10. It was a schedule that he unconsciously followed, and one that Changmin followed as well to arrive and leave unnoticed.

Whenever teachers walked by, they’d always ask why Changmin was sitting on the ground outside the music room.

“I’m waiting for my friend.” he’d lie, “He finds it harder to practice with others in the room, so I wait outside for him.” They’d nod and move on, some even complimenting him on how good of a friend he was. In reality, Kevin had no idea that Changmin was outside the room. Hell, he probably had no idea who he was. And if he did, he was sure that he’d be labeled as a creepy stalker.

But he just couldn’t help it. The music that Kevin played was always so beautiful and alluring, drawing him into its chords and progressions. God, and Kevin’s voice? It was so heavenly.

Occasionally, Kevin would play the melody of a pop song, singing along to it softly, and it made Changmin fall in love even more. Hell, it even made him want to play the piano as well.

His little crush started growing, and in the span of a few weeks, Changmin couldn’t even look at Kevin in the halls without his heart beating a little faster, and his cheeks turning pink. It was pretty adorable, especially when Kevin caught Changmin’s gaze and smiled widely at him. The dancer would return it back, and it was as if you could see the sparkles and flowers radiating off the boy. It had Kevin pretty smitten as well.

Juyeon was in the same class as Kevin, so Changmin had to endure his teasing whenever he occasionally dropped by during lunch.

“You’ve been real cheery these days. Got a girl you like?” Juyeon asked one day, and Changmin almost choked on his melon bun, coughing a little.

“No, why?” he asked, spotting Kevin in the corner of his eyes. Juyeon stared at him, suspicious. He was definitely trying to read Changmin, see if there was any evidence of a lie and catch it. It was something that Juyeon was unexpectedly good at, and was annoying whenever he used it to his own advantage.

“You like someone. But it isn’t a girl. A guy?” he questioned, and Changmin’s ears flushed red. A smirk on his lips, Juyeon continued. “It’s someone in this room. It’s not me, that’s for sure.” he deduced.

_ ‘please please please I swear if juyeon finds out I’m gonna dig a hole and hide in it for the rest of my life-’ _

“It’s Kevin Moon, isn’t it?”

With a squeak, Changmin hid his face in his hands, internally cursing Juyeon. He was much too embarrassed to do anything to him, so all he could do was mutter under his breath.

“Lee Juyeon, I will actually kill you oh my fucking god-”

“Hey Kevin, come over here for a sec, will you? I wanna introduce you to someone!” Juyeon called out, and Changmin slammed his hands down on the table, glaring at him.

“I. Hate. You.” he hissed out, his face pink and his heart beating wildly in his chest. Of all things, why was he friends with Juyeon? The mischievous, evil, troublemaker Juyeon?

“What do you want, Juyeon?” The clarity of Kevin’s voice rang in Changmin’s ears, and he looked up to see said man standing next to Juyeon, a bit confused. He was as pretty as always, and Changmin gulped.

“I just wanted to introduce you to my friend Changmin. He’s a part of our dance club as well, and one of our best.” he introduced, and Kevin stuck his hand out.

“Nice to meet you! I’ve seen you in the halls a few times, have you?” he asked, and Changmin nodded, taking Kevin’s hand and shaking it.

“Y-Yeah. Nice to meet you.” he spoke, barely being able to speak his words. “I heard you play piano?” he asked, pretending he knew nothing of Kevin’s practices.

“I do! If you wanna hear me, then feel free to come to the music room after school one day.” Simply nodding, Juyeon chuckled at his junior’s behaviour.

“He may seem timid, but he completely changes when he dances. Why don’t you show us?” he slyly asked, and Changmin glared at him once again. “Oh come on, don’t be such a downer. I’m sure everyone else would love to see you dance, wouldn’t they?” he called out, and there were many cheers from the other students.

“I hate you.” Changmin growled, reluctantly standing up. Everyone moved the desks to form a big enough space for Changmin, and he stood in the center, waiting for any sort of cue.

“Last year’s solo.” Juyeon called out, now sitting on a desk at the back of the room. He was facing Changmin, able to evaluate his motions like he usually did during practices. Phone in hand, he had one of the many tracks they used ready to play. Changmin nodded, running through the moves quickly in his head before setting himself up.

“Fighting, Changmin-ah!” Kevin called out, and Changmin smiled widely, the voice calming his nerves down. As soon as the music started from Juyeon’s phone, the smile diminished in an instant, replaced with a focused, serious look. Gone went the timid and cheery Changmin, and in came a beast. Powerful moves, each one controlled perfectly to the music. You could feel the beat and music within his dance, luring people in with how crisp and clean his movements were. His smile wasn’t that cute smile you’d see when greeted in the halls, but one filled with confidence and lust, almost.

“Solo, you said?” Kevin whispered to Juyeon, and he nodded.

“Competed in the Masters Tournament, won first.” he whispered back. In awe, Kevin continued to watch, amazed at how much strength Changmin had. Despite the song almost ending, he still used the same amount of power than in the beginning of the song. That alone would take lots of willpower, strength, and perseverance.

The performance came to an end, and Kevin was wishing for more. Everyone was clapping, cheering on Changmin, and even a few other students from other classes had flocked to the windows to watch. His usual smile came back on his face, thanking everyone for their support as he bowed to everyone. Seeing him so happy, with that huge smile and such a cute look, it sparked something in Kevin. Something that made him want to see Changmin like this more, to see him happy, to see  _ him. _

“Encore! Encore! Encore!” Students began to cheer, urging for Changmin to dance another song. He met eyes with Juyeon, who was about to get another song ready when the school bell rang, making everyone groan. Those who were at the windows left to their respective classes, while those inside began to put the desks back. Weaving his way through the chaos, Changmin made his way back to Juyeon and Kevin.

“Didn’t know you still had that one in you.” Juyeon commented, making Changmin smile. “With all the choreo we learn, I’m surprised you haven’t forgotten yet.”

“Honestly, I still remember choreo back in my junior year of middle school.” he sheepishly admitted, fanning himself off with his hands. “Though it would probably be a bit rusty.”

Kevin just stood there, still in awe about Changmin’s performance. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before, and it was like a new world had opened up to him. Sure, whenever they hung out, Juyeon would show off a few moves that they were learning, but this was different. A full choreography this powerful was something he only watched kpop idols do, and even then he didn’t really bother to pay attention.

“I’ll have to go now.” Changmin spoke, snapping Kevin out of his thoughts. “I’ll see you another time, then?” he asked, and the pianist nodded. With a smile, he waved the dancer off, watching him jog out of the classroom and down the hall.

“You’re smitten, aren’t you?” Juyeon teased, making Kevin punch him lightly on the shoulder. Despite that, he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Maybe.”

 

* * *

 

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.”

Muttering under his breath, Changmin counted to himself, practicing his next solo routine. They were having their annual school showcase soon, where certain clubs such as the music, dance, and drama clubs each showed off what they had currently been doing. Once again, he had been chosen to do a solo, so Changmin was putting 110% of his effort into it.

These days, he was pushing himself a lot, his muscles sore and yelling at him to stop and rest. He continued practicing regardless, wanting to make sure that everything was perfect. Juyeon was telling him to take a break, Hyunjae was telling him to take a break, practically everyone was. Despite their words, he ignored their worries and continued pushing himself.

Obviously, this didn’t end well.

Changmin was beginning to get frustrated at himself. He just couldn’t get this certain step no matter how hard he tried, and it annoyed him to no end. Gritting his teeth, he restarted once more, sweat soaking his back and all over his face. His body was starting to give on him, and the heat was getting to his head, messing with his vision. Without a care, Changmin began to dance once more, unintentionally putting a bit more strength than he should have. He regretted starting as soon as he began his first step, but there was no going back. Once he started, he wouldn’t stop until he messed up again.

Juyeon glanced over at Changmin, worried. He could see his arms shaking, and his eyes didn’t seem as focused anymore. “Changmin, be-”

“Agh, fuck!”

With a resounding thud, Changmin fell to the ground, breathing heavily as he shut his eyes tightly. Running towards him, Juyeon was at his side in an instant, carefully helping him sit up. “Hey, you alright? What happened?” he asked, his voice soft. Everyone else stayed close, concerned for Changmin.

“My… ankle.” Changmin winced, looking over at his left foot. It hurt horribly in any direction he moved it, and he could see it start to swell up. “I think I sprained it.” he whispered, his voice breaking.

Juyeon could tell that Changmin was disappointed in himself. Getting injured because of his carelessness and stubbornness, when it could have been avoided entirely. Being out of commission was something that he hated, and this wasn’t the first time Changmin had gotten injured due to overworking himself.

“Alright. Let’s get you to the nurse alright? Hop on.” Juyeon ordered, crouching down so that his back was facing Changmin.

“It’s fine, I don’t need a piggyback ride.” Changmin muttered, trying to stand up himself, but Hyunjae stopped him.

“You can hardly walk, Changmin. Your body’s gonna collapse if you do. Just get on.” he sternly ordered, and with a sigh, he did as he was told, being lifted up by Juyeon.

“Continue practice for now, and just be careful. Hyunjae, you’re in charge.” Juyeon spoke, and everyone in the club nodded. Getting back to work, the two dancers began the trek to the nurse’s office. They were in silence, Juyeon simply keeping an eye out in front of him while Changmin just looked to the side, being careful not to move his ankle.

“Changmin.” Juyeon spoke, his voice stern yet soft. Said person just hummed, not bother to change his position. “Why didn’t you listen?” he asked. Changmin just shrugged. “Come on, give me an actual answer.” Urging him to talk, Changmin swallowed the lump in his throat away, feeling uneasy.

“You know how I am.” he started, “Stubborn. Harsh on myself. I work until I collapse, and it’s inevitable at this point. I can’t help trying to reach my standards, y’know?” he explained, biting his bottom lip.

“I’ve told you many times to set boundaries for yourself.” Juyeon reprimanded. “And you never listen.”

“It’s hard for me. Besides, I forget all the time.”

“I warn you each time, but you never listen. This time, it’s your fault, alright?” With those final words, they had arrived at the office. Knocking on the door, the nurse opened it up and let them in, not too surprised to see Juyeon and Changmin. The older of the two explained everything as he set Changmin down on one of the beds. He made sure to stress the fact that he had overworked himself, which resulted in the injury.

She took a look, checking the swelling and gently moving Changmin’s ankle around to see how bad the damage was. She also checked up on Changmin himself, asked about how he was feeling lately and what occurred whenever he was practicing. Luckily, the sprain wasn’t bad, so some regular icing, as well as lots of rest and less strain was needed.

“I’m afraid that you won’t be able to practice for at least three weeks.” she explained, writing some things down on her clipboard. “I know the showcase is coming up, but you still have quite a few weeks left until then. I’m afraid until you’re better, you can’t strain your ankle. I suggest wearing a brace or taping it up during this time. I know you aren’t someone who uses crutches, so this will help to minimize pain as well as keep it stable. It’ll be fine in two weeks, but I want you to use that extra week to rest. No practice, okay? Your body need to recuperate. If there’s any pain, ibuprofen or aspirin will work fine.” she explained.

“Alright. Thank you.” Changmin whispered, unable to meet eyes with the nurse.

“I think some peace and quiet will be good for you. Stay here until practice ends, it’s only 15 more minutes. Juyeon, go ahead and go back. You can bring Changmin’s stuff once you’re done.”

With a nod, Juyeon patted Changmin on the shoulder, giving him a look of reassurance. He could see the poor guy sigh heavily, falling back onto the bed with a resigned look. Juyeon felt bad for him, but that was life.

Walking back to the practice room, Juyeon spotted Kevin standing outside the door, anxious and nervous. When he spotted the club leader, he quickly jogged towards him.

“Kevin? What are you doing here?” Juyeon asked, watching as the pianist followed him into the room.

“Is Changmin okay? I saw you guys pass by.”

“He was careless. Sprained his ankle, but he’ll be fine.”

Wincing, Kevin watched as Juyeon started to pack a bag, placing things such as a water bottle, towel, and phone inside. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Juyeon stood up, handing Kevin the bag and “gracefully” placing it into his arms. It wasn’t as heavy as he thought it would be, only a single textbook inside plus a few other items.

“Bring this to Changmin, will you? You know where the nurse’s office is, right? He’s currently moping inside. Was told to rest by the nurse, but I’m sure you can free him somehow.” Juyeon explained. With a nod, Kevin adjusted the bag in his hands, bidding everyone goodbye before setting off.

As he made his way to the nurse’s office, Kevin couldn’t help but wonder on what Juyeon meant by careless. Was it because he was fooling around? Or was Changmin someone who never thought before he acted? There were many possibilities, but Kevin couldn’t see the dancer fitting into any of those categories.

Arriving at the nurse’s office, he silently slipped in, alerting the nurse. “Hello Hyungseo. What brings you here?” she asked, her voice soft and quiet.

“I heard Changmin was here, so I got his things. Would he be able to go home if I assisted him?” he asked, and she thought over the suggestion.

“I don’t see any harm in that. Go right ahead.” Waving him off, the nurse went back to work, letting Kevin go over to Changmin. The dancer was resting on the bed, an arm over his eyes, his breathing slow and steady.

“Changmin-ah.”

He lifted his arm up, opening his eyes. As soon as he saw Kevin standing next to him, Changmin sat up abruptly, confused. “Kevin-hyung. Why are you here?” he asked, doing his best not to sound too nervous.

“Juyeon told me what happened, so I brought your stuff. Is your ankle okay?” he asked, carefully taking a seat on the bed. Changmin nodded, moving it around a little.

“Just a sprain, nothing too bad. It’ll be fine in two weeks, but Ms. Kang wants me to rest for three.” he explained, taking his bag from Kevin’s hands. “You can leave now, there’s no need to stay any longer.” he mumbled, looking away.

“Well, seeing how I’m taking you home, surely I need to stay, don’t I?”

Snapping his head back, Changmin’s cheeks were dusted pink, his heart beating a little faster. “W-What do you mean? I don’t think that’s really necessary, I-” he stuttered, but Kevin waved him off.

“I don’t think Ms. Kang will let you walk home. I’ll be your royal steed for the day, so all you have to do is get comfy and guide me to your house.” Hopping off the bed, Kevin bent down on one knee, his back facing Changmin and his hands ready to support. “Hop on.”

Hesitant, Changmin swung his legs off the bed, pulling his backpack on before carefully climbing on Kevin’s back. He was hoisted up, his arms hanging loosely around his neck, his legs held by Kevin’s hands. “I’m not too heavy, am I?” he asked. The pianist shook his head, adjusting his position.

“Not at all.”

“What about your bag?”

“My sister came by and I handed it off to her.” Kevin reassured.

With that, the two of them left the nurse’s office, bidding her goodbye before making their way off of school grounds. The walk was pretty silent, the only sounds being the chirping of the birds and Changmin muttering directions to Kevin. It was only about halfway through the trip that Kevin started to talk, curious.

“Juyeon told me that you got injured because you were careless. Would you explain to me what that means?” he asked. Kevin’s voice was soothing, his words chosen carefully in order to get some answers from Changmin. Normally, he’d deny the question, choosing to ignore it or to change the topic. But Kevin’s voice was so melodic, so captivating and calm, that he couldn’t help but spill. It was like it was urging him to talk, like a mother to her child.

“I pushed myself. Despite the many warnings from Juyeon and the others, I chose to ignore them and be selfish. I wanted to be perfect, and it just ended up with my progress being hindered and becoming another burden.” he spoke, unable to stop himself. “I’ve always been like this. This isn’t the first time that this has happened. But despite that, I never learn. Even though it hurts and I don’t like it, I can’t help but do it.”

Kevin stayed silent, following the small mumble of a “turn left” afterwards. It hurt to see Changmin this fragile and small, a contrast from his usual confident and smiley self. He couldn’t help but relate to it a bit, reminded of his times as a child.

“It’s like starving yourself to lose weight.” Changmin added, making Kevin perk up. “At first it hurts a lot, but over time it dulls out. You know it isn’t good for you, but you can’t help but continue.”

“...Changmin?”

The dancer seemed to realize what he had done, and quickly cleared up the situation. “Ah, you don’t worry Kevin-hyung. I don’t do this. It’s just an analogy.” he explained, making Kevin sigh in relief. “At least, not anymore.” he whispered to himself.

Silence enveloped them once more the rest of the way, Changmin mulling over his actions. He had revealed a lot, maybe a bit too much to his liking, and he was sure that things between him and Kevin would begin to get awkward.

Arriving at Changmin’s abode, he passed the keys over to Kevin, instructing him on which ones to use in order to unlock the gate and the door. Slowly going on one knee, Changmin stepped off of Kevin’s back, careful not to put any weight on his ankle.

“Thank you so much.” he spoke, nervously playing with his hands. “I’ll repay you one day, I swear. You really didn’t have to do this.”

“It’s nothing, Changmin. Just, be careful, alright? Heal up well, I’m sure that you know how easy it is to get injuries if you don’t let them heal properly.” Kevin warned. Changmin just nodded, having heard this many times before.

“I know.”

“I don’t like seeing you hurt, Changmin. Promise me?” Sticking out his pinky out, Kevin waited for Changmin to respond. Biting his lip, he tentatively returned the offer, hooking their pinkies together and stamping their thumbs.

“I promise.”

With a smile, Kevin let go. “Good. I’ll see you on Monday, alright?” With a wave, he left Changmin, walking away without looking back. He watched until Kevin had turned the corner, completely disappearing from his sight before closing the door.

_ “I don’t like seeing you get hurt, Changmin.” _

That phrase repeated itself in Changmin’s head over and over again, Kevin’s voice taking over his mind. As simple as it was, it was so… nice and endearing. He couldn’t help but feel like there was some sort of hidden feelings behind them, but what they specifically were was a mystery for the time being.

A small smile formed on his face, and Changmin remembered Kevin’s beaming smile in his head.

Maybe he could try a little harder and be nicer to himself.

 

* * *

 

**[moon boy]  
** _ juyeonnnn  
_ _ are you available right now??? _

**[dance boy]  
** _ maybe  
_ _ why?? _

**[moon boy]  
** _ i wanna talk to you bout some stuff  
_ _ okay, about changmin _

**[dance boy]  
** _ sdfjkd what for  
_ _ to confess? see what he likes the most? _

**[moon boy]  
** _ not really…  
_ _ lets just say that he told me some things that concern me _

**[dance boy]  
** _ ah  
_ _ of course, where are you rn? _

**[moon boy]  
** _ the usual cafe  
_ _ see you soon. _

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks of school, Changmin was still in pretty bad spirits. He was stuck limping around the school, being careful not to put too much weight on his ankle but still be able to move around. Juyeon would come to his class for lunch instead, sometimes bringing Kevin along. It was nice of them to come over, even if it meant some of his classmates whispering as to why the seniors were here. Kevin came alone once or twice, giving him whatever the convenience store had that day. They’d chat for a bit, before the pianist left to his class once more.

“Ooh, your lover boy visited you. How nice.” Chanhee cooed as soon as Kevin left, before being punched on the shoulder by Changmin.

“Shut up. He isn’t my lover boy, Kevin-hyung’s just a friend.” he grumbled, opening the melon bun that he was given. His friends loved to tease him, and whenever they hung out with Juyeon and his boys, they’d team together for even more annoyance and embarrassment.

“Oh? Then what’s with the hearts in your eyes and the blush on your cheeks? Have you seen yourself? You’re so in love.” Hyunjae commented, poking his fellow dancer repetitively. “You talk to no one like that, not even to Jiwoo, and everyone loves her.”

“Jiwoo is different. She’s like a younger sister. Everyone else may have a crush on her, but she’s far from that to me. I mean, she is adorable, but it’s a cuteness that you can’t help but pinch her cheeks and tease her.” he tried to explain, but eventually gave up. “I doubt Kevin-hyung even likes me, anyways.” he muttered.

“Pshh, have you ever seen him, Changmin?” Chanhee scoffed, leaning forward in his chair. “He’s smitten for you. Have you seen the hearts in his eyes? The way he looks and talks to you? He’s in love, 100%.”

“And how sure are you about that?”

“Eh, probably like, 99% sure. Overheard him gushing about you in the halls once, and one of friends said something along the lines of, “Dude, I’m pretty sure that you have a crush on him. 100%.” And Kevin just went, “Oh god, you’re right.” Is that enough proof yet? I’m sure you could blackmail him with this information or something.” he rambled on.

As Chanhee continued to talk, drifting off topic to other things, Changmin couldn’t help but dwell on what his friend had said. Did he really overhear such a conversation? And even if he did, was it really true? Or was Chanhee just trying to make his friend feel better about himself? That horrible feeling of dread came back, settling at the bottom of his stomach. It plagued his mind throughout the rest of lunch, and constantly reminded him of its presence until the end of school.

Changmin still attended practices after school, but he didn’t do much. Sat on a chair and monitored everyone, giving them advice and instructing them. It was a bit harder than usual, as he couldn’t demonstrate, but they seemed to get the gist of it regardless. Otherwise, when there wasn’t practice, Changmin would take up on Kevin’s offer and go to the music room.

Most of the time, he just sat there as well, listening to him play some songs, occasionally singing. It was just like before, but this time he was inside the room. Sometimes, they’d start up a conversation to pass the time, and before they knew it, they had wasted the entire hour talking about trivial things. It was definitely better than sitting around doing nothing in the practice room, and Changmin got to spend more time with Kevin.

“Changmin, have you ever learned how to play the piano, or any instrument? You seem pretty well informed on music theory despite not playing.” Kevin asked that day, improvising a little melody. Changmin was sitting on the bench with him, facing the opposite way. He usually opted for the ground, back against the wall as his eyes watching how the pianist played. He didn’t want to be a distraction to Kevin, but the senior said that it was fine.

The dread was still in his system, and Changmin found it hard to look Kevin in the eye. Today, he didn’t really want to talk, just listen to the music and calm himself down. Of course, Kevin had thought otherwise.

“Well, I did learn a bit as a child. My mother was a pianist as well, she would teach me. I only learnt it for maybe 6 years before quitting, and even then I stopped way back when I was 11. It’s been a good 7 years, and I have no idea how to read sheet music, but my fingers still remember a few things.” Changmin reluctantly explained, his fingers mimicking pressing chords. “I don’t necessarily remember any of the song names, but they’re the basic ones that you’d learn once you start getting good.”

“Do you mind showing me? I’d like to see how far you managed to progress.” With a smile, Changmin nodded, turning around on the bench so that he was facing the piano. How could he say no to Kevin’s beautiful face? Shuffling over to the center of the piano, he hovered his hands over the keys, trying to recall the songs he learnt.

“Let’s see… Obviously there’s Fur Elise, that’s a classic.” Changmin mumbled, speeding through the first part of the song with ease. “Then there’s Pachelbel’s Canon in D.” Smoothly transitioning to the next piece, he began to play somewhere in the middle of the song. It was the one part that many people could recognize, seeing how famous Canon in D was.

“There was one more…” Changmin trailed off, lifting his fingers off the keys. Scanning through his mind, he managed to remember how it went, positioning his hands. “I never remember the name of this one, but its always been my favourite.” he told Kevin, a somewhat melancholic smile on his face as he began to play.

_ ‘Ah, this one.’ _

Kevin recognized the melody as soon as Changmin had played the first few measures of the song. It was a classic recital song, and he too remembered the time when he had learnt it as well. River Flows In You by Yiruma. Hearing it again brought back memories.

This time, instead of stopping halfway through, Changmin played the entire song, immersed and focused. Kevin was quite surprised that he was playing so well, despite having stopped learning a long time ago. He knew some friends who had stopped learning piano as well, and they completely forgot everything in the span of a month.

Kevin could only watch in awe as the song ended, Changmin looking pleased with himself as he slowly lifted his fingers off the keys, resting his hands in his lap. “That… was amazing.” Kevin breathed out, a huge smile spreading on his lips.

“R-Really? It wasn’t that good though.” the dancer sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed by the compliment. “This is one of my mother’s favourite pieces, so she made sure to drill it into my head while she could. I haven’t played it in years, though.”

“Your muscle memory must be damn good then, if you played it so flawlessly. I didn’t hear any sort of offbeats or wrong notes, everything was how it was intended to be, and you added your own emotions to it as well. This is exactly what you’d want to hear in any sort of recital or competition even.” Kevin started gushing about Changmin’s performance, spewing all sorts of compliments. The dancer just sat there, soaking it all in whilst thanking the pianist profusely.

“I’m sorry I can’t show you any other of my choreography.” Changmin spoke, cutting Kevin off from his little tangent. “My ankle isn’t healed fully.” he explained.

“I thought it would be healed in two weeks? Isn’t it already three?” Kevin asked, but Changmin shook his head, a small smile forming on his face.

“I wanna make sure that it heals all the way before going back to practices. I’m trying not to get hurt too much.” He seemed proud of himself, staring at his lap as he played with his hands. Kevin realized that Changmin was referring to what he had told him back when he had taken him home. It seemed like he was upholding the promise.

Despite the happy moment, Kevin was reminded of something, and the smile on his face began to fade. He had to talk to Changmin about it soon, so he bit the bullet.

“Hey, Changmin?” he asked, and the dancer looked up at him, curious. “I met up with Juyeon on the weekend.” he spoke. Changmin could tell that something was wrong, and his eyebrows furrowed.

“...Okay. And?”

“He told me about you.” Kevin admitted, and instantly, Changmin’s smile fell.

“Oh.” he whispered. Gone went his confident posture, and he was back to looking at his lap and fumbling with his fingers. “How much did he tell you?” he asked, barely able to speak without his voice threatening to crack.

“A lot. More than what you would have wanted me to know, but it was necessary.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, Kevin urged himself to continue. “He told me about you when you were in middle school. How… broken you were. The mask that you wore on your face everyday, hardly breaking. How you were unhappy with yourself, so you started to starve yourself. Gradually eating less, before skipping lunch completely, and then soon enough breakfast. You’d have barely a meal a day.”

Changmin could feel himself trembling, his tears welling up at the base of his throat and hurting horribly. His eyes were watering up, but he blinked the tears away. He couldn’t cry now, he promised himself. But with Kevin telling him all the things he learnt, the things he didn’t want him to learn, it only made him want to crawl into a hole and cry.

“He told me that you didn’t cry. Even if mean comments were thrown at you, or even a punch, you just stood there and took it. If a teacher scolded you, you’d just stand there, emotionless. It was so drastically different than what you showed to the public, and yet it could be flicked on and off so easily like a switch.”

“Stop.” Changmin pleaded, but his words were barely heard.

“Juyeon told me he found you crying in the practice room one day. It was only then he realized how fragile and thin you were, and how unhealthy you looked. You told him everything that day, just how he told me everything. Why, Changmin? Why?” Kevin pleaded. Instead of answering, Changmin began to laugh shakily, sounding so close to breaking right then and there.

“Necessary, you say?” he asked back, changing just like that. “Tell me Kevin, how was it necessary for you to learn about all about my life? What was your reason? To torture me like this? Make me remind myself about how miserable I was?” he hissed, his voice beginning to get louder and louder. Pushing himself off the piano bench, Changmin made his way to the door, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

“Tell me. Why would you do this?” His voice breaking, Changmin gripped the door handle. He was about to fling the door open and storm out when Kevin answered him.

_ “Because I like you.” _

Changmin froze, unable to believe what he had just heard with his own two ears. “Because I like you, Changmin.” Kevin repeated, making his way towards the dancer. “Because I don’t want to see you hurt ever again, because I want to protect you and hold you in my arms and keep you safe.”

Changmin slowly let go of the handle, turning around to meet eyes with Kevin. They were filled with sorrow, but held the smallest amount of faith and hope within them. As if he knew that this would stop him and help him to understand.

“Because I don’t want to ever see you broken, and I don’t ever want to think of holding your cold body as you slip away. I’m not letting you get lost. Not now. Not ever.” he whispered. “I had to know in order to help.”

Overwhelmed with emotions, Changmin took one step forward, then another. Before he knew it, he was on his knees, sobbing uncontrollably as he wrapped in arms around himself. It hurt so much, but for some reason, his heart felt lighter. As if he didn’t have to worry anymore, to burden himself.

Kevin was quick to react, coming over to Changmin and silently embracing him. They sat in silence, “I-I’m sorry.” he sobbed, hiccuping heavily as he angrily tried to wipe away his tears. “I’m sorry that I’m such a mess, that I’m so broken, and that you like someone like me to begin with. I’m sorry I couldn’t be better for you.”

“Don’t apologize.” Gently lifting his hands away from his face, Kevin gently wiped Changmin’s tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “You’re already amazing, Changmin. Your personality, your perseverance, your smile. Everything. Instead of being better for me, be better for yourself. Heal. It’ll be a long process, but you can do it.”

Kevin’s words were filled with hope, and realization struck Changmin. He could heal. Be nicer to himself. Give himself the hope his past self never had. Instead of suppressing his tears, willing them back inside to pile up all over again, he continued to cry. Even though he felt a bit guilty clinging onto Kevin like this, it felt so relieving. All the tears he had kept inside of him for god knows how long were finally released, and the weight on his heart was finally lifted for the first time in years.

As Changmin cried, Kevin began to stroke his hair, providing as much comfort as he could. This was a battle that he knew he couldn’t interfere with. so all he could do was give as much support as he could without meddling too much. Changmin’s sobs turned into slow tears, which calmed down to sniffles and hiccups.

“Do you feel better?” Kevin whispered, and the dancer nodded. “Good. I don’t want you to keep everything inside anymore, alright? I’m here for you, whether it’s 8 am on a new day, or 3 am and you can’t sleep. Don’t be afraid to call or text me. Can you do that? Can you try and heal?” he asked, gently pulling away from their embrace.

“Yeah. I can.” Changmin declared, feeling a new sense of courage and strength surge through him. “Thank you, Kevin. Thank you so much. Thank you for giving me hope.” The smile on his face grew, shining brightly and looking the like the true, genuine smiles that the pianist loved to see.

Changmin certainly wasn’t expecting Kevin to lean closer towards him, nor was he expecting said man to kiss him out of the blue. It was gentle, as if he were cautious to make sure that he wouldn’t break, but sweet and filled with love. They pulled away shortly after, and both of them were smiling like two kids who had stolen the last cookie from the cookie jar and split it between themselves. So stupidly in love, but so happy.

“Can I be selfish for just one moment?” Changmin asked, and Kevin nodded.

“Of course you can. What is it?”

“Would you… be my boyfriend?” he nervously spoke, averting his eyes from embarrassment. Kevin laughed, before cupping Changmin’s face with his hands and squishing his cheeks together.

“Of course silly. I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Changmin smiled once more, making Kevin coo at how adorable he looked. He finally felt more whole. More pleased with his life.

More… happy.

 

* * *

 

_ [A few years later…] _

_ Changmin stood nervously on stage, sweat dripping from his chin and his head hung low. _

_ He took a chance and entered a dance competition, the prize being a huge sum of money. He had managed to wow the judges up until finals, where he was up against a powerful contender. Kwon Soonyoung was someone Changmin didn’t expect to go against, and he had always heard about his talent. _

_ The two of them were practically neck in neck in skill, so it basically all came down to who’s style the judges liked better. _

_ “The scores have been collected, and the votes are in!” the MC announced into the mic, and the spotlights began to go wild. Soonyoung stuck his hand out for Changmin to hold, to which he accepted it. They had no hard feelings with each other, and would be content with whatever result. _

_ “The winner is…” _

_ Changmin held his breath, biting his lip. _

_ “Ji Changmin!” _

_ Changmin’s head snapped up so quickly when he heard the results, unable to believe it. Soonyoung had a huge smile on his face, bringing him into a tight embrace as he congratulated him. He was so overwhelmed, tears formed in his eyes as the smile on his face was unwavering. _

_ A large bouquet of flowers was handed to him, as well as a trophy and a big, cheque of his prize money. The MC handed Changmin the mic, letting him give a victory speech. _

_ It took him a bit to compose himself, holding back his tears in order to speak. “I’d like to first thank all my friends and family for supporting me through my passion of dance. Without their help, I wouldn’t have been able to make it this far.” he started, looking at his trophy in awe. _

_ “I would also like to thank Soonyoung-ssi for being such a fair opponent.” Looking over at Soonyoung, they smiled at each other. “I learned a lot from him, and it truly felt like a real battle going against him. His skill and style are one that are to be admired.” _

_ “Lastly, I’d like to thank my boyfriend.” At these words, the crowd went silent, interested in what Changmin would say. “He’s helped me through so much, and I would like to thank him. He’s given me so much hope to push through, and I wouldn’t have been in this competition if it weren’t for his incessant whining.” Everyone laughed at that comment. _

_ “Though he’s currently in Canada visiting family, I’m sure that he’s still just as proud. I love you, Kevin Moon!” he exclaimed, giving a little finger heart before laughing at himself. Handing the mic back over to the MC, he said a few final words before they were all ushered backstage. _

_ “Congrats again, Changmin-ah!” Soonyoung yelled, giving Changmin another bone crushing hug. _

_ “Thank you, Soonyoung-ssi! If anything, it should be you receiving this award, but I appreciate the sentiment.” _

_ “Oh no no, you deserve this award fair and square. I haven’t seen someone dance as well as you in a long time. Of course, other than myself.” With a laugh, the two of them made their way to their waiting rooms, bidding each other farewell. _

_ Opening the door to his room, Changmin was shocked to see a familiar, tall figure waiting for him, clapping his hands with a huge smile on his face. _

_ “See, I told you you’d win.” _

_ “Kevin?” Changmin questioned, unable to comprehend why his boyfriend was here. “You- Aren’t you supposed to be in Canada? You said you were coming back next week!” _

_ “And miss your grand finale? I’d never.” Stepping closer to each other, Kevin took the items from Changmin’s hands, setting them on the table before enveloping him in a warm embrace. _

_ “You did amazing.” he whispered. He was about to give him a kiss on the forehead, but Changmin pushed him back. _

_ “Ew, no. I’m sweaty.” he whined, instead giving him a quick kiss on the lips. _

_ “Thanks for declaring your love to me on television.” Kevin commented. _

_ “Oh shit, I forgot this was televised.” Changmin hissed. _

_ “You idiot.” _

_ “Oh shush, I won and helped to empower gays in Korea. What more do you want?” _

_ “Uh, maybe a dog?” _

_ “We have two beagle puppies already, no.” Changmin scolded. _

_ “A cat!” _

_ “Even worse.” _

_ “Your love!” Kevin exclaimed, making the two of them laugh. _

 

_ “Silly, you already have that.” _

**Author's Note:**

> big sigh still back at it with my vent fics I'm sorry y'all
> 
> will hopefully get out some happier ones! after wildflowers my creativity has dropped though,,,
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/tbz_sunlight)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/tbz_sunlight)


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